As I was typing out my excuses list this question popped into my head. I think most, if not all, of the excuses I just listed, come back to this question:
Do I deserve to have a full, meaningful, and wonderful life?
Well, do I?
I’ve always believed I didn’t. One of the biggest messages I understood as a kid was that everyone else was more important than I was. Their emotions were more important. I was never allowed to be angry, frustrated, to cry, to be wrong, to be anything other than a quiet mouse who sat in the background and didn’t take the limelight.
Those are some hard habits to break! If one of my clients came to me with similar issues I would work toward helping them to realise that they ARE worth it! Just for the simple fact that they breathe the air. Their status of “human being” automatically makes them entitled and allowed to have a full, meaningful and wonderful life!
And yet as I type this, I can feel the emotion welling. Uncertainty. I TELL myself that I deserve it. I can readily voice it to others. But I doubt my ability to really BELIEVE it. Kind of like the difference between knowing something intellectually, and really FEELING it, deep inside.
It’s a tad frustrating to have these doubts. Sometimes I can tell people i definitely deserve it. Other times, such as in this moment as I type this, I doubt it. The nature of the human mind I guess. Maybe I’m just tired since it’s 2am.
I know that those who REALLY “get” that they deserve it, make sure they take care of themselves. We believe it more as we achieve more. So I’ll go about achieving more and know that it will fall into place 🙂