Yesterday I felt as if I was surrounded by death, not for the first time …
I have had my share of experiences with loss and grief. My step grandmother died November 1993, my father in January 1994, age 49, my mother in October 2002, age 55. More recently, my brother in June 2009, age 38. Last year, 2011, 3 people died. My maternal grandmother in June, my best friend’s 9 year old son in June, and my cousin in October, age 43.
Those are the actual events personal to me. And of course i’ve also had the childhood experiences that you don’t really remember, with my other 3 grandparents.
So what was it about yesterday that got to me? My best friend sent me a book of poetry about her experiences, and that of her family, surrounding caring and grieving for her son. Friday I was talking to someone who is preparing for her son’s imminent death (single parent whose entire life revolves around caring for him). And last week I had another friend who lost her grandmother, and buried her on Friday. This friend called me Thursday night and was a mess, understandably so. Told me I was the sanest person she knew.
I’m not sure what my purpose here is in sharing this with you all. I understand how grief works. I get some of its complexities. Yesterday’s experiences brought up some of my own grief, partly to do with reading those poems. Very raw emotion. Yesterday I felt like I needed to get away from it. To get a break and do something completely different. I didn’t do anything.