Who exactly is living this life?

How often do we allow other people to dictate our actions? Someone says “c’mon, one bit of this yummy chocolate cake won’t hurt”, or maybe they aren’t being so nice about it and instead make a nastier comment. Something like “you’ll never be able to reach your goal, you aren’t good enough for that”

Some people couch it in joking terms, others are outright nasty about it. Either way, you find yourself in front of the TV (or wherever) with a packet of chips/chocolate/cake or any other version of comfort food, and ultimately their words are proved correct, because we allow ourselves to be ruled by them. Is that completely nuts or what?!?!?!

Whether these people are complete strangers, or whether they are meant to be our nearest and dearest, the result is the same. We end up feeling like crap, while they get to gloat about how right they were when they said whatever.

If you are reading this and are thinking something like “OMG, I do that all the time”, then you are not alone. I have been there too. Many times. So often in fact that I now face an extremely long journey to regain my life. But you know what, I’m ok with that. Without all the experiences I have had previously, I would not be where I am now. Taking back that control starts with one decision. Which comes from a place of awareness and gentle love (for ourselves).

Awareness of your own actions as a result of others’ words. Every time you put food in your mouth, ask yourself if the urge to do so has come from listening to what someone else says. And if you can say “yes it is”, then the next step of putting that food in your mouth and chewing it, is done with complete consciousness of WHY you are eating it. And each time you choose NOT to follow through with that arm action, you have a victory to celebrate!

Ultimately it comes down to this. Are YOU willing to allow other people to control YOUR life? ESPECIALLY if they are strangers? I know I’m not!


For the last few days I have been reading about several people who feel like they hate themselves. They look in the mirror and just “know” that they are ugly. That they are somehow unworthy. 

When I read this I feel a little sad. Sad because I used to be there. For the longest time I had similar things run around in my head whenever I looked in the mirror. For the next longest time, I felt quite numb when looking in the mirror. It was like I didn’t think anything about myself. And yet, gradually, it has come about that I can now think positive things about myself. Rather than thinking negatively about my body, my focus has shifted to positive things about me as a whole.

I am beautiful simply because I breathe the air. I am beautiful because of my generous, caring nature. I am beautiful because I have the ability to achieve the things most important in my life. I am beautiful because I have what it takes to achieve my dreams. I am beautiful because I have talents and gifts to share with the world. I am beautiful for a whole host of reasons.

I am beautiful. Just cause 🙂

Uncertainty and procrastination

I’m not sure what I want to write here, so I’m going to allow my fingers to do what they need and see what pops out the other end …

What makes people give up on things? Or even follow through on what they know they need to do to reach their goals. I have found myself sitting on the couch watching TV when I know I need to be training. Or cooking. Or working on mindset tasks. Or whatever.

This may be more self sabotage than giving up, cause I DO want this. I DO want to be where I am right now. I really WANT the changes I see other people making. Despite a 2.9kg donation this week, I feel somehow … dissatisfied. Strange.

Dissatisfied in the effort I know I am capable of. Dissatisfied in the procrastination. In 2005 I was spending 3 hours at a time at the gym. 20 min treadmill, 20 min X-trainer, upper body weight routine, and an aqua class, one after the other. And I LOVED it! And now, all I seem to be capable is a half-assed, 15-ish minute session on my x-trainer. I justify it to myself by arguing that I haven’t trained for several years, I need to ease back into it. Which is total BS!! I am allowing my mind to rule my behaviour!

I am finding this quite frustrating. I KNOW what I need to do. I KNOW I am capable of it. And yet, I am not DOING it.

So, if I were talking to someone else about their stuff, I would suggest that they go back to their WHY. Why do they want this? How much do they want this? I’d ask them to list all the things that would happen if they chose to stay the same, and all the things that would happen if they made the change. I know that to help myself I need to go back to Michelle’s preseason tasks and do them properly. Commit to and spend the time necessary to play full out with them. Really get in there and get my hands dirty with them.

It would also benefit me to have someone to be accountable to. Someone I know who will be honest and kick me up the proverbial when I don’t follow through. I have the perfect person in mind, so I am going to send an email right now and ask for some support. I know I will get it, cause this person was around in 2005 to help me when I flagged then.

In addition, right here, right now, I will commit publicly, to you, to do those preseason tasks PROPERLY, and to report on them here. Time for me to step up and JDFI people!