Aside

Well, I have had an interesting week, to say the least. 

I promised myself the day before yesterday that I would get back into looking after myself and my health. Two days in, I believe I have accomplished that.

Yesterday morning I did the first PT session with my trainer in 2 weeks and today I have come up very sore and just slightly sorry for myself! Arms, back, chest, butt and thighs, all sore. That’s a sign I worked hard, right? I burned 479 calories and later in the night after work I brought that up by 237 calories with some time on my xtrainer … This morning I went to a bootcamp run by Shannan Ponton, Biggest Loser trainer, here in town. An hour later I had burnt 745 calories and after a very short rest, getting up and moving again was a big challenge! I got myself kiss on the cheek from Shannan when I arrived and he recognised me from last week, and then after the workout I got another photo with him. 

Someone who had seen both photos mentioned that she could see a difference and proceeded to put them together so I could see them side by side. I see some minor differences, but not huge ones. What do you think?

Image

 

I have also been junk food free and have concentrated on the healthy food. My water intake yesterday was at least 3 litres as well. I feel really good about things and just quietly I feel like I am getting back on track. I will hopefully cement these with some significant mindset changes when I train with Emazon later this week. As terrified as I am at what may come out, I really want and need to do this for me. Bring it on!

 

Well, I have ha…

Advertisements

New Beginnings

For the last couple of weeks I have been off track with my training and food intake. I’ve had a lot of stress at work and my trainer has been out of action as well.

First thing tomorrow morning I am getting back on track. Today I have had a great day nutrition wise with no sugar, no chocolate, and only breakfast cereal, salad and fruit. Tomorrow at 6am I have my first personal training session in 2 weeks. Saturday I am doing a bootcamp with Shannon Ponton, after I met him last weekend. I even got photographic proof.

Image

Today I also had some good things happen at work. I have been offered an extra 12 hours per week, taking me up to 32 per week, or four full days. This will help me support more clients, not to mention pay my rent and bills with greater ease. We have also had a new team leader start on Monday and I have been able today to get to know him a little. So far I am liking what I see and am now more hopeful that the remainder of this transition will go relatively smoothly and ultimately will have positive outcomes for both staff and clients.

It’s time to get myself sorted out 🙂

Link

The Climb, Myley Cyrus

Someone on the 30+ crew FB page posted a youtube video of Myley Cyrus’ song, The Climb. From the moment I first heard that song I have loved it. I love the melody, and the message. But until today I haven’t REALLY “gotten it”. After seeing the link this morning and some of the words that one of the girls typed underneath it, I decided to really listen to it and reflect on it. Here are the lyrics:

“The Climb”

I can almost see it.
That dream I’m dreaming, but
There’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it
Every step I’m takin’
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin’
But I gotta keep tryin’
Gotta keep my head held highThere’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climbThe struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most
I’ve just gotta keep goin’, and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on movin’
Keep climbin’
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about, it’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

As with most songs, the chorus is what grabbed me first. It’s about the journey, not the destination. This morning I really listened to the versus for the first time. And it hit me. Everything that I teach to my clients. Everything that I have been telling other members of the 30+ crew. There will always be voices in your head telling you that you won’t be able to reach your dreams, that you can’t do it, that you aren’t worth it. And it’s about having faith that those voices aren’t telling the truth. Faith that you CAN do it. You CAN make your dreams a reality. And while there will always be obstacles, when you overcome them, work through them and make them work FOR you rather than against you, these obstacles are what make the journey worthwhile. You will remember them as empowering lessons  that really teach you how much strength, courage, determination and smarts you DO have, and how capable you really are. They become a symbol and a talisman of sorts, that tells you how much you are really worth. These lessons help you to define yourself and your esteem. They help you to acknowledge your abilities and accomplishments.
So, with the sounds of this song in my head, today I pick myself up, acknowledge that while the current issues I am dealing with may be tough, I can and WILL get through them. They are an opportunity to acknowledge my strength and determination, and to learn more about boundaries, both professionally and personally. They are the chance for a new beginning, a new era in my professional life, to learn more about myself, to move on to bigger and better things. They WILL ultimately support me in achieving my dreams. They WILL allow me to live an extraordinarily spectacular and fulfilling life. They will allow me to live the life I DESERVE!
Today, I begin this new chapter by preparing and setting myself up for success with my health habits, thereby supporting me professionally. So, with the strains of Myley in my head, I set about cleaning my kitchen, shopping, cooking and freezing meals to keep me going for the next few weeks. So I don’t have to think about meal prep and can relax into dealing with the changes.
Keep the faith, Ali, it’s about the climb 🙂
(The link at the top of the page will take  you to youtube to listen to the song)

Unsettled

I’ve been feeling really unsettled this last week, and feel like I am totally outside my routine. I’ve had a lot of changes to deal with at work and they have created huge amounts of uncertainty and grief. The fallout from work has been pretty intense and I have had to support extra people with some complex problems while dealing with these changes. It has sent my head to doing some pretty loopy things. Also, my trainer has been away for a little over a week because of some personal issues.

As a result I have lost the plot a little. I haven’t done any training and have been eating a lot of crap, particularly in the last 2 days while away for work. I am finding that my head is all over the place, I am being quite mindless with choices on one hand and immediately I am arguing back and forth with myself, and still end up going with the choices that do not serve me and ultimately support me to get where I know I want to get.

When I re-read this I find myself getting teary. I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed by all the things going on around me and how I have been impacted. The last few weeks at work have been really intense emotionally and I have been completely overwhelmed with extra work with the changes that have been happening, and I have allowed those things to get me down and knock me off track.

That said, I know that I need to refocus, own my choices and move forward. I not only need to do that, I CHOOSE to do it. I want to live an extraordinary life. I want joy and excitement and love and LIFE! I want CHOICE. I want to be able to choose to go on a picnic, to the amusement parks, to keep up with some kids, to let loose and have fun!

I am an adult, and *I* am responsible for my life. Nobody else can do this for me, I need to step up and take care of myself. I DESERVE to love myself and it starts with taking care of ME.

Time to refocus and get back to basics 🙂 This weekend I am committing to doing 2 training sessions (after not training for close to 2 weeks), grocery shopping and preparing some healthy meals that I can have on hand for the next few weeks to make things easier during the work week. I need to underpin myself with some good supports and create some options that will help me to get where I want to be. It’s time that *I* took control!

What is support?

People often say to me things like “thank you for the support”. I get this and variations on it, a lot. I used to wave it off and minimise it. “It’s nothing”, “no problem”, “I didn’t do anything”. 

So what do I do to warrant such gratitude? Usually not much that I would consider worthy. Sometimes offer some words of encouragement, other times share my own experiences as examples to illustrate my points. And sometimes I meet up with people face to face (or via the phone) and chat about stuff.

As I have learned to love and accept myself more, and value my own worth, I am finding that I am able to accept the compliments and gratitude for what it is. A simple display of love and warmth for the help and support I offer. I am discovering that sometimes, the support I offer to another human being, means the world to someone.

As an example, this weekend I accompanied a new 12wbt friend to see another 12wbt friend in a play that she wrote, directed and acted in. The gratitude I received from both of these girls means the world. These ladies have their own skills and talents to share with the world, and they both deserve to be supported.

Image

Support is also this, where people gather around and encourage, push, bully (lovingly) and care about you so much that they will stand by your side and walk with you as you tackle the seemingly impossible.

Image

Image

Image

Image

These ladies are just some of the 30+ crew. They are always there, always willing to prop you up when you fall over. They always have kind, encouraging words when needed, or some tough love occasionally as well.

THIS, is support 🙂

The Shining Light that is Self-Love

“I am disgusting”, “Don’t be an idiot”, “I’m stupid”, “You’re hopeless”, “Don’t be so lazy”.

These are all phrases that we commonly tell ourselves when things don’t go according to plan. If we eat the “wrong” thing. If we don’t exercise. We feel anxious, depressed, guilty, about ourselves. We hate ourselves. And we get into a cycle of self loathing that impacts every area of our lives. We avoid people and things because we are afraid of judgement and failure, which would prove that our words are accurate. We search for events that provide evidence of truth. And we end up settling for a life of mediocrity rather than the greatness we actually deserve.

The truth is that we all deserve excellence. We deserve to feel extraordinary, and we deserve to be loved. When the above statements are used by others in reference to our friends or family, we are determined to not accept it, because we know that those people are worth more and deserve to be loved unconditionally. So what makes us any less deserving of that same love?

So, when you catch yourself using those putdowns, know that you damage your ability for self love and you minimise your chances of achieving greatness.

If you want extraordinary rather than mediocrity, if you want inner peace and serenity rather than tension and inner turmoil, know that the language you use is extremely powerful. So, watch your language!

Change those phrases above to “I love you”, “I can learn something new”, “I can do this!”. If you start treating yourself with the respect you would use toward your best friends and family, you will achieve the greatness and extraordinariness you absolutely deserve. You will experience the love and self respect that you are worthy of. And you ARE worthy!

 

Expressions of love

I went out for dinner the other night with a small group of friends and work colleagues to an all you can eat sea food buffet. It was an invitation at relatively short notice, just the day before. I flagged it with the 12wbt 30+ crew as a red flag evening and asked for suggestions on what I could have. 

It was a great evening and I was really happy to see one of my friends so happy after some tumultuous times.

Before we started eating we took a tour of the restaurant, including the buffet, Everything looked delicious, other than some of the seafood such as mussels, oysters and the like, which I have never liked. I chose small servings of those things that might have higher calorie content. I had: crab, seafood salad, crab salad, grilled baramundi and salad (with some home made tartare sauce), mashed potato, and then extra small (bite size) servings of lemon merange pie, caramel tart and chantilly cream. I drank only water. When I compare this food intake to past meals, there really is no comparison. The deserts would have each been 5 times the size and I would likely have added icecream as well. The servings of mashed potato, seafood and crab salads would have been likewise. 

Afterward, one of my friends told me that I did very well with my good choices. While I acknowledged that they were much better than they would previously have been, I was quite disappointed in my inability to stick to the plan.

Since reporting on the night back to the 30+ crew, I have had mixed responses. Some have given me a “great job”, while others have provided more of a tough love approach, clearly from a place of love and support. The people in this category know that I am capable of a lot more than I have been giving, as I am also aware. I have been encouraged to strive for greatness and not just mediocrity. That even small deviations from my health plan will hold me back from achieving my dreams and being an extraordinary human being. 

There is a part of me that thinks this viewpoint is a little drastic and rather extreme. However there is another part that agrees. I have known that I am capable of so much more than I have given to date. In the last 6 weeks I have certainly stepped things up and have achieved significantly more than I have done previously. And yet I AM capable of more. MUCH more. 

That said, following the tough love approach, I found myself wanting to EAT! I felt extremely confronted. Whilst at work yesterday I was successful in resisting chocolate and other treats at morning tea. And on the way home, when I filled the car up with petrol, I was not. Today I spent more than 3 hours at a laundromat and despite being hungry once again I successfully resisted the temptation of purchasing junk. Instead I had one wholemeal egg and lettuce sandwich. On the way home after 5pm I found myself wanting to go to Hungry Jack’s. I had in my head “I’ll show those girls that I can eat what I want”. Like I could and would be in control, even if it meant defiance of well meaning support. I came directly home and completely avoided HJ’s.

As usual in the evenings I catch up with Facebook and of course the 30+ crew page. One of the girls checked in with how I was doing and I expressed these thoughts to her in private. In response, she made a comment “Food is one of the only ways I was shown love when I was growing up”. 

Almost immediately after reading this statement I realised that I had been angry at the tough love. That defiance I felt with the urge to buy Hungry Jack’s was anger. Anger at those providing the tough love, and anger at myself for allowing myself to settle for less than I am worth. However I didn’t actually recognise that the anger was there. So how did I know? The fact that almost immediately following the reading of her statement, it was no longer there. The statement brought me up entirely short. It resonated with me.

My immediate response is to say that I felt the same about my own childhood, but honest reflection shows me that is not entirely accurate. Certain people in my life may have influenced my instinctual response, whilst others definitely did not. So, in truth, I have apparently been using food to numb my feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Indeed, feelings that I do not deserve to experience love. Love that travels in either direction (toward me, and away from me) … I have known this in part for a while, but this sudden realisation whilst reflecting on the statement above has cemented the knowledge and it has become much more than an intellectual knowing. 

Now, the question becomes, what am I going to do about it?

Transformations of self

I was sent a picture of myself just a few days ago that was taken May 19th, 2012. During the finale experience for Round 1, one of the girls took some photos of a group of us. This is me.

Image

I really like this pic. I think it shows my best features. I’ve had a lot of positive comments from people on it too 🙂

Almost 2 months later, I am a bit smaller than this shows, which is awesome. 

 

On another note, I am feeling rather proud of myself today for doing another training session on my own. 57 min 35 seconds, 658 calories, over 45 min in fitness zone and a maximum HR of 162. 

I’ve also noticed that since January 24th 2012, I have done a total of 121 hrs and 37 minutes of training, and have burnt 22 453 calories. And, in the past week alone I have done 5 sessions totalling 5 hrs 20 min 42 seconds, burning 3 587 calories.

Given my change in mindset recently I feel very positive about my ability to keep doing what I am doing, and in fact to up the level and intensity to get those calorie burns even higher!

Training and associated results

If you had have asked me 7 months ago whether I would be training to the point of exhaustion, I probably would have looked at you with one of those death looks that speaks volumes. And then I would have likely headed straight toward the chocolate or potato chips to prove to you that I didn’t need to do anything.

My how things have changed. Twice this week (Thursday and Saturday – today) I have worked out rather intensively. The following photo’s prove my point:

This is Thursday’s effort:

Image

And this is today’s:

Image

I am rather proud of these efforts (and of course exhausted!) cause these are supporting me to reach my goals and to ultimately life the life *I* want (and deserve) to live.

Wednesday being weigh in day for the program, saw me with a total donation of 4.7kg for the 5 weeks of this round (1.2 from this week). Early this morning, before I went to do my aqua class, I did a sneaky weigh in and discovered that since Wednesday (3 days ago) I have donated a further 1.8kg to the universe. But sshhhhh, cause it’s not official 😉 

These are the results of regular workouts like that! That said, I have also been making some healthy choices with my nutrition and have had a really good water intake as well. So a combination effect I think. I can’t wait to see the “official” weigh in results next week. I am hopeful that if i can do a few more really good training sessions, keep up the water intake and continue making healthy food choices, I will see at least a 3kg official donation this week, which will take me to well over the 7kg mark for the round so far.

 

Failure

I have a long history of allowing my excuses to dictate my actions, which has the effect of me not following through on what I know would benefit me in the long term. In the past this has also had the result of me feeling inadequate and unworthy of many things, including self care and love.

This 12wbt journey has supported me in turning this around. The mindset lessons are designed to change the beliefs we hold about ourselves and our abilities and the nutrition and training plans are designed to change our bodies. They have the added benefit of challenging our limits, which then combine with the mindset lessons to help us believe that we can create some magic inside our own lives.

I make this process sound very simple, do I not? That is because it is. The simplicity is quite deceiving, given that it is certainly not easy! Changing the habits of a lifetime is tough! Particularly since the brain will fight anything that is outside it’s comfort zone. So, whenever we attempt to change what we do on a consistent basis, we generally end up arguing with ourselves as the part of us that is used to a particular state of being, objects to the changes and works on convincing ourselves that we need to remain in the current state of being.

Every time we complete a training session, every time we choose to eat healthy, nutritious food, we take one step closer to making permanent changes that become a habit. Easy, right? No.

In Round 1 I regularly failed at making the choices that would ultimately get me to my goal of living a magical life. And every time I allowed my excuses to win, I learned a lesson (even small ones). These have accumulated to several larger lessons that have helped me to realise that I have what it takes to create the life I deserve. So that kind of means that I should now, at almost the half way point of Round 2, have everything under control, right? Again, no!

I am still finding myself failing on a regular basis. It’s just that now, the regularity is becoming less regular and the lessons learned are correspondingly larger and more meaningful. I have acknowledged that I am a fallible member of the human species and as such, I make mistakes and sometimes fail spectacularly. I am coming to accept that this is ok, particularly given the lessons associated with those failures. 

That said, I would be very helpful to be able to prevent the failures in these areas and to create more successes and achievements instead. So, how do I do this? It seems that my usual modes of practice need some adjustments. 

I have been challenged to create some strategies that will help to create more successes and less failures. So this is what I have agreed to do. To list five things that I can do whenever I feel the urge to make an unhealthy choice, so that whenever my mind begins dishing out the excuses, I have a plan to counteract the urge and to ultimately get me closer to where I deserve to be. 

So, five things that I can do INSTEAD of making unhealthy choices:

  1. Take an alternative route home, should the urge hit whilst driving
  2. Remove the unhealthy food from my vicinity and distract myself by undertaking a different activity. This could be resuming work activities, journalling, walking, or another form of physical training.
  3. Pamper myself with a self indulgent facial or foot spa.
  4. Spend time with a good book or listening to music.
  5. Visit or call a friend.

There. Thinking of this list of five things was more challenging that I thought it would be. I never said this was easy though, did I?

Simple, yes … Easy, no 🙂