Staying true to yourself

I just watched the weekly video for this week (11) on the 12WBT website. I felt the urge to post about it, so here I am. That said, I’m not entirely sure what it is I want to write. The video was about saboteurs. Those people who, for whatever reason, say or do things that impact your journey in an unhelpful way. They may offer you junk food, they may make comments about your weight that you find unpleasant, or they may even challenge you on something when you aren’t ready to hear about it.

I’ve been guilty of this one. Many times when I was younger my parents or whoever would say things like “you have such a pretty face, if you lost weight you’d be beautiful”. Other times I would get “you shouldn’t be eating that cake” or “do you really need that chocolate”. The second two used to always send my inner rebel out to fight! I’d be like “you can’t tell me what to eat! I’ll show you!” And then I would proceed to consume copious amounts of whatever food I was told I couldn’t/shouldn’t have. I REALLY showed them, didn’t I?? Look at me now!

The one that really impacted me though, amongst others, was the “you have such a pretty face, if you lost weight you’d be beautiful”. I learned that I just wasn’t beautiful at all. And I find that incredibly sad. I look back at that as an adult and see an impressionable teenager being taught all about how nasty people can be in life. I never saw my own beauty. I saw what I was told to see. Ungliness. 

Looking at that word as I type it, I feel incredibly sad and I feel the urge to cry for that incredibly beautiful, vulnerable teenager I used to be. In some ways I still am her. She deserved to be loved unconditionally and she didn’t get it. She got the condition: get rid of the weight and THEN you’ll get the love you deserve. You know what? Fuck that!! 

That defenseless girl didn’t get a chance to stand up for herself! It hurts my heart to know that she wasn’t given that opportunity and it saddens me that it was taken away from her without her consent!

That girl DESERVES to be loved! She deserves nothing less than to be a shining star. She didn’t get it when she was young. But she CAN have it now! The best part is that she now KNOWS that she deserves it. And she has the POWER to get it!

How? By TAKING it, that’s how! 

*I*, my true, authentic self, KNOWS that I deserve unconditional love. I deserve to trust myself and my ability to get what I need out of life. I deserve to be phenomenal. I *AM* phenomenal! Just the way I am.

*I*, am ENOUGH!

 

Tomorrow I have a personal training session in the afternoon. I will *trust* in my instincts, to know that my efforts in that session are enough for what I need to get out of that session. I won’t look at my HRM. I WILL listen to my authentic self and know that I CAN do what I set out to do. 

🙂

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2 comments on “Staying true to yourself

  1. I was also overweight as a child as you know, and I was probably guilty of telling you that you have a pretty face. You do! I know I heard the same comments. I also focused on the if. Not on the pretty face.
    I believe that the people that said those things at that time were trying to help you be the best you could be. The teenage mind could not cope with those mature thought processes though and chose to see or hear the negatives and rebell. Seeing and hearing the negatives is what many of us have done. Fortunately for us we have seen the light and realize the result of our thoughts is entirely of our own making. We have to accept that it is our head that built these bodies, not other peoples comments, and either live with it or change it.

    • It’s funny how each of us have different perceptions of exactly the same environment. I don’t remember you as being overweight as a child, Ron. I have a clear memory of a photo of us as teengers where you were wearing jeans and looking very trim! Nor do I recall you being one of the people who made that comment. That said, I have no doubt that the people who said it had the best of intentions. I do NOT blame anyone for how I interpreted it or felt about it. That is completely MY responsibility. I own my responses to it and I own the way I treated myself and the results of that. I am incredibly greatful for the experiences I have had with this stuff because the process of working through those feelings and beliefs has taught me how strong I am and how much value I really have. Without them, I may not be where I amright now. Without YOU in my life, I would not be where I am right now. I am proud of myself, and I am proud of you, my beautiful sister. 🙂

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