Grief is an interesting process. Most people think of it as the process they go through when someone close to them passes away. I believe it is so much more than that. It’s a process of adjusting to change. Sometimes that change comes about through death and other times it comes about from other changes. When the change is sudden, the adjustment can be rougher than when it is gradual.
During the past several months I have been through many changes. My workplace has been completely restructured and the fallout has been pretty extreme, and not all in a positive way. I have embarked on the 12WBT journey, have had many new, wonderful people come into my life, have discovered abilities I never new I had, and have struggled to keep up with the changes to the belief system that has been my crutch for more years than I care to count.
Today I feel a little like I am floundering around in an environment that is uncertain and unstable. And I know that it is all in my mind. That sounds kind of like I’m a little nuts (some might agree 😉 ). I’m conflicted. I’ve had all this turmoil with the work changes that climaxed at the end of June and continue as adjustments are made to the major changes there. These adjustments have been overshadowed by some really positive opportunities that have come out of the restructure. I am grateful for the opportunities and the personal and career growth that has come from them, and will continue to be so.
I am struggling to find the words to accurately describe how lost I feel. As I think about a professional relationship that I no longer have, I realise that I am grieving the loss. And as I write these words I have tears in my eyes. This relationship has been instrumental in my career development over the past five years and had I not had this person in my life, I likely would not be where I am right now. I have had so many opportunities in this time that have supported me in developing my professional skills and have opened many doors. I have been able to spread my wings and have learned incredible amounts, both professionally and personally. And now, without that support, I feel like there is a big hole left behind.
In order to move forward I am choosing to look toward new opportunities and focus on the positive experiences I have had during this time. They have set me up with a much higher level of professional confidence and the potential for so much success into the future. I now KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have the talent it takes to help people in my chosen profession. This will continue as I utilise new opportunities to further develop my skills.
In the meantime, I’ll work on making that hole smaller.
Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve. – Earl Grollman