Today is October 14, 2012. Today is the 10th anniversary of my mother’s death. We had our remembering service work function and despite a few technological issues, it went well. I was able to release 3 balloons in honour of my mum, dad and brother, which was good to do. It helped me to remember them and the impact they all had on my life. I reflected on how far I have come in recent months and how proud each of them would have been about my achievements.
It reinforces my belief that I am exactly where I need to be in my life right now.
In the mid to late 1990’s my life was 180 degrees away from where I am now. I might even say that I didn’t really have a life. At least not a quality one. I was completely sedentary, spent most of my time in front of the TV eating junk food, and on the occasions I did venture out of the house it was mostly to buy more groceries (read junk food). Even in 2002, the year my mum died and I was working full time, I did pretty much nothing outside of work other than to sit in front of the TV and eat.
My life started to change when I started to think differently. I began believing in myself. I acknowledged some of my achievements and I began to recognise some of my value as a human being. I went back to university to study psychology and I did well with it. I moved interstate to where my brother lived in order to find work in 2006 and have continued to make major changes.
I got full time work, finished my undergrad psych degree, and started moving. I left one job and got another one, this one part time. I found my purpose. Helping people to turn their lives around. And then my brother died and I began thinking that because he was no longer here, then I shouldn’t be either. I considered relocating back to my original home town of Melbourne. Upon the advice of some friends, I postponed that kind of major decision and I haven’t looked back since. I’ve had many opportunities to develop my professional skills and I became a foster carer, which has been one of the most challenging things I have ever undertaken. And while I made the decision to cease that role, the process taught me so much about myself! I discovered that I REALLY deserve to love and care for myself. I realised that I deserve unconditional respect and that the first person who needs to provide that to me, is me!
And then, at the invitation of my sister, in January this year I signed up for the 12WBT. I have received unconditional love and acceptance, huge amounts of support and have discovered a level of happiness that I have never known before! I have achieved things I never thought I was capable of. I have begun the process of learning how to make consistently healthy choices that serve me. I have learned how to fully accept myself for who I am and what I look like.
And through the process of working with Emazon (stay tuned for a full blog post on my most recent experiences with her), I have begun the process of learning how to TRUST. In my real authentic self. To LISTEN to her and trust that she KNOWS how wonderfully incredible I am.
With that in mind, today, while I remember three of the people who have been most influential in my life, I now know that I am worthy. Of unconditional love and acceptance. And I choose to give that to myself. 🙂