Immense gifts and associated fears

So, it was my birthday 9 days ago and I got a lot of amazing surprises in the couple of days surrounding it. For part of the story, go here. Since those events the text messages, gifts and cards have continued to arrive. The last lot of cards arrived right before the weekend. There are so many cards and gifts that when I took a photo of them today the camera could barely fit everything into the frame!

One thing is for sure. I am extremely blessed to have the women in my life who were generous enough to share their hearts with me. 🙂

birthday haul

I mentioned in my last birthday post (link above) that a small group of girls have completely outfitted (minus shoes) me for the Brisbane 12wbt finale in February. This included the dress, bracelet, pendant and earrings. The following photo shows a close up of those items, which I am excited to wear to the event.

finale outfit

Once again I would like to thank all the girls who helped make my birthday the amazing event that it was. It had a huge impact on me.

In fact I felt very overwhelmed by it all, and almost like I had been slapped in the face. I’ve mentioned before that I have a long history of feeling like I am unworthy in a lot of different ways. Of love, of being happy, of being fulfilled, of being taken care of, amongst other things. The amazing gesture these women have given me has made me realise in a very concrete way that has concretely shown, in a big way, that I AM worthy. I am valued. I am loved. I am lovable.

It’s this knowledge that has slapped me around. It sent me back to the self sabotaging behaviours that were my companions for many years. Eating unhealthily and making excuses to avoid pretty much anything that represents taking care of myself. It’s too hot, I’m too tired, and so on. It sent me back into fear. Specifically, the fear that I am not good enough. Or maybe the fear that I AM good enough.

It is time to let go of the fear. And then to embrace the life I am destined for. I just feel … somehow inadequate. *sigh*

One comment on “Immense gifts and associated fears

  1. You are most definantley worth it, I wish I was going to Brissy, but I don’t think that is going to happens, stay happy Sweetie.:)

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