New Ventures

For the last several months I have been having lots of headspins, I have experienced lots of “messy” emotions and I have been allowing a paralysing fear to stop me from moving forward.

For the last few weeks I have felt like I need something new in my life. To help me to push past that fear and to continue to create the life I deserve. Or more accurately, to reveal the real Ali and allow her to LIVE. 

I have been thinking for a while now about joining a new gym and getting something different in my training. Now that my headspins have dissipated and since my last 1:1 with Emazon I decided to take action on it.

Yesterday I had appointments at 2 gyms for introductory tours. One gym in particular stood out. I felt welcomed as soon as I walked in the door. The “membership consultant” was very friendly and immediately set me at ease. He asked me what I wanted to get out of being a member, what I wanted to achieve and a little about my past experiences. He was funny and super encouraging. The second gym was very different. The lady behind the desk seemed very unsure of herself. She showed me around and then at my request explained the fee structure and how things worked. She took only a peripheral interest in me on any personal level. And I didn’t feel comfortable in volunteering anything really personal. Add to that, the prices were significantly more expensive than the first gym, the equipment was less extensive and much older, and the opening hours are less user friendly for those of us who can only train after hours (or early morning). And overall, the vibe just didn’t feel right for what I was after.

So, I went back to the first gym. Signed up then and there. The membership consultant went through the fitness class timetable with me and he said I should try out the Body Attack class immediately, one of the highest intensity classes on the schedule! 😮 Daunting much!! He said if I took the “bounce” out of the steps I’d be fine. Still daunting!

During the sign up process he asked when my first workout would be. I committed to doing it today. And as soon as I got home my brain kicked into its usual routine, “WTF have you done to me?!?!”

So of course when I woke up this morning it kicked in again and did its best to keep me away. I felt uneasy, uncertain and somewhat anxious about getting out the door. Three hours later than planned, I fulfilled my promise to the membership consultant and went to do my first training session. That promise was the thing that got me out the door.

It wasn’t a long one, but once I was there, while there was a little uncertainty for what I should do next, I was fine. And while I was checking in I booked an appointment for an initial assessment to have a program written up for me. Tomorrow. Which of course gets me back there for another workout.

My major goal in joining up to the gym is to discover more about myself, to become more self aware, to make training a regular part of my day. And to SHUT DOWN the voices in my head that tell me to avoid the gym!

Let’s see how I go 🙂

My inner rebel coming out to play

I have spoken before about my experience with Emazon and the way in which she assists people to realise their inner potential and remember who their authentic (RED) self really is.

I had a one on one phone session with her last week and talked to her about the paralysing fear I have been experiencing for a few months now. You can read about it in this post: We also spoke about the headspins.

That fear has been my companion for a long long time and working in a different way (i.e., practicing basic self care with nutrition and training habits) has sent all the thoughts in my head into chaos, where they have been doing there very best to keep me in the zone I know. I have gone back to a lot of the old coping strategies (unhealthy food and no training). While I don’t remember every single word Emma said, I certainly remember the gist of it. To bring my inner rebel and my authentic self out  to shut down the fear! SHUT IT DOWN!!

That fear is nothing more than noise. It tells me that if I continue to transform my body the world will ultimately discover that I am inaduate. Not good enough. So instead of taking action on what is important to me (my health), the fear has gotten in the way.

The way Emma described things made a lot of sense. Since my session with her I have been on the lookout for all those thoughts that say “buy some chocolate/chips/cake/whatever”. And when they show up, I have been saying a very very loud “SHUT IT DOWN!!” in my mind. I have Emma sitting on my shoulder every time 🙂

I have since had several days of healthy nutrition habits. Not every encounter with those voices has had my rebel winning the bout, but so far the majority of occasions has her raising her arms victorious.

Tonight, as I was driving the 2 hours home from uni, all those voices were seriously persistent!! My rebel eagerly came out to play and won several bouts. Did I say they were persistent?? *rolls eyes* A 14 hour day on only 5 hours sleep and only 2 small healthy muffins for dinner (due to being in class) will do that to you.

Again and again, my RED rebel did her thing. She got pretty forceful too. “SHUT IT THE FUCK DOWN!” Over and over. That is, until we had successfully passed ALL the open service stations that were on the same side of the road as us. At that point, she had herself a little party in my head. 🙂

She has a few more parties to attend as the guest of honour, I am sure. But I TRUST that she and my red woman have my back. Emma tells me it wont take as long as I think it will for her to win the entire battle and not just some individual bouts. 

For now, I am opening myself up to that idea of radical trust. That my RED self really doesn’t need all this weight for protection. That when she has shed that layer, she will really be able to shine. BRIGHTLY. And that her shine is truly spectacular!


Letting my inner rebel play


Thank you Emma!! 🙂


You can find information on Emma and her work in these places.


Fluid levels and more spinny stuff

Fluid. My body has been holding onto a whole heap of it! I’ve talked about the lymphoedema before and how it likes to hold on to the fluid sometimes for weeks at a time. I have also talked about the headspins I have been experiencing for the last 16 or 17 weeks straight. Part of the treatment my doctor recommended for them was to take fluid tablets for 2 weeks before going back to see him.

Due to scheduling difficulties it was 3 weeks before I got back. I took the tablets for 2 of those weeks and in that time the scales told me that I had dropped 10kg. Since I have stopped taking them that has all returned, plus more (go figure). My body has been holding this extra fluid now for about 3 weeks. I am sure that part of this will be my normal monthly cycle, but nevertheless, it is a little annoying.

There is a part of me wondering whether the fluid tablets have in some way messed up the balance of things in my body, because my cycle is late. As much as I know speculation is useless, I wonder how my body would have reacted if I hadn’t taken them. That said, had I not taken them, it is certainly possible that I would still be spinny all the time.

For the most part, they have stopped. My doctor said that I didn’t need to be referred to an ENT and we could treat “symptomatically” whenever the spins appear. In other words, take fluid tablets until they disappear. I wonder how that would impact if I did it every time. *sigh*

I think I need to get back to my kineisiologist and acupuncturist.