I have spoken before about my experience with Emazon and the way in which she assists people to realise their inner potential and remember who their authentic (RED) self really is.
I had a one on one phone session with her last week and talked to her about the paralysing fear I have been experiencing for a few months now. You can read about it in this post: https://angelbabee1971.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/paralysed-by-fear/ We also spoke about the headspins.
That fear has been my companion for a long long time and working in a different way (i.e., practicing basic self care with nutrition and training habits) has sent all the thoughts in my head into chaos, where they have been doing there very best to keep me in the zone I know. I have gone back to a lot of the old coping strategies (unhealthy food and no training). While I don’t remember every single word Emma said, I certainly remember the gist of it. To bring my inner rebel and my authentic self out to shut down the fear! SHUT IT DOWN!!
That fear is nothing more than noise. It tells me that if I continue to transform my body the world will ultimately discover that I am inaduate. Not good enough. So instead of taking action on what is important to me (my health), the fear has gotten in the way.
The way Emma described things made a lot of sense. Since my session with her I have been on the lookout for all those thoughts that say “buy some chocolate/chips/cake/whatever”. And when they show up, I have been saying a very very loud “SHUT IT DOWN!!” in my mind. I have Emma sitting on my shoulder every time 🙂
I have since had several days of healthy nutrition habits. Not every encounter with those voices has had my rebel winning the bout, but so far the majority of occasions has her raising her arms victorious.
Tonight, as I was driving the 2 hours home from uni, all those voices were seriously persistent!! My rebel eagerly came out to play and won several bouts. Did I say they were persistent?? *rolls eyes* A 14 hour day on only 5 hours sleep and only 2 small healthy muffins for dinner (due to being in class) will do that to you.
Again and again, my RED rebel did her thing. She got pretty forceful too. “SHUT IT THE FUCK DOWN!” Over and over. That is, until we had successfully passed ALL the open service stations that were on the same side of the road as us. At that point, she had herself a little party in my head. 🙂
She has a few more parties to attend as the guest of honour, I am sure. But I TRUST that she and my red woman have my back. Emma tells me it wont take as long as I think it will for her to win the entire battle and not just some individual bouts.
For now, I am opening myself up to that idea of radical trust. That my RED self really doesn’t need all this weight for protection. That when she has shed that layer, she will really be able to shine. BRIGHTLY. And that her shine is truly spectacular!
Thank you Emma!! 🙂