Blubbering Mess

I had a complementary PT session with a trainer at my gym this morning. His first question, after getting me on the xtrainer to warm up, was to ask me what I wanted to get out of training. So I describe to him that I want to be able to trust myself. To be able to make my training an instinctive part of my routine, to listen to my body, hear  the answer and give myself what I need. To promote my mental health just as much as the physical. In fact, to promote an overall sense of well-being. I want to be able to know when I need to hit shit, when I need to lift stuff, or when I need to go with cardio intervals, to ultimately promote my sense of self.

I then mentioned that I have had a few things happen recently and could probably do with hitting some shit, so he grabs some boxing stuff and after 11 minutes on the xtrainer we do 20 going through just a few 30 second rounds with different combos. I discovered that some of the conditioning I had gained has disappeared. I felt tired really quickly and had to stop to rest a couple of times. Not surprising really, since I haven’t done any training in 6 months. And I know I can get it back 🙂

Afterward we sat down to talk about where to go next. And in the midst of trying to explain how I find it difficult to ask (or even know) what I need, I start blubbering all over him! Well, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but I certainly had tears! While it wasn’t the most pleasant experience in the world to be blubbering all over a stranger, I think it needed to happen. I’ve been holding onto all kinds of emotions for what seems like ages and this recent stuff with my former foster son has I guess been the catalyst for me to take action on getting myself back together. 

I’m unsure whether I can sustain it financially, but I have scheduled 2 PT sessions this week with the same trainer. If nothing else, it will help me to refocus on myself and I will begin learning how to listen to myself. I’m hopeful that this is the first step.

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