You’re Dreaming

I had a nap today, which was probably the first one I’ve allowed myself in a while. I had the strangest dream. It was all a bit vague and tangled and I felt like a good portion of it was somewhat restless. I had images of being in a unit. It was just a normal day, but could have been a series of normal days. I was either watching TV or lightly dozing and hearing/seeing stuff in my peripheral vision. It was like I was part of things and at the same time distanced from it. I remember that my brother and dad were there, discussing stuff. I can’t clearly remember what they were talking about. It may have been a few things. Like what to have for dinner, which movie to go see etc. Normal, everyday, mundane kinds of stuff. There was nothing remotely abnormal about it. I have vague memories of my sister, mum and other brother hovering or flitting around in the background, but it was also like they weren’t really even there. The scene actually reminded me of when I was a teenager and young carer, when dad was ill and my brother took on the role of supporting him and making sure he had what he needed. It reminded me of a time when things were peaceful and relatively calm and routine.
 
The only thing “abnormal” about the whole thing was that my dad, brother and mum are no longer alive. It actually felt like I was back in the family home when I was a teenager, but the look of the unit itself reminded me of my brother’s home, which I lived in with him for a period of time.
Since I woke up from my nap I have been feeling a little … disconcerted. I’m not sure that is the most accurate word, but it’s the one that popped into my head so let’s go with it.
 
I have been wondering about the messages I need to get from it. What is my greater mind trying to tell me, given everything that has been happening recently. The stuff with my former foster son, they way I’ve been feeling with my health and mindset, and what came out of my PT session yesterday.
I guess it’s possible that it’s a sign that my dad and brother are around with me, supporting me, knowing that I can get through all this stuff. I just need to relax and allow it to unfold as it needs to. I need to create a routine, and relax into it as much as possible.
 
breathe and let go
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