I have so much to say on this post and the ways in which what it discusses impacts my own life and journey. Right now I need to think about how I want to formulate what is in my head. I have one final assessment to do for uni this week and I will then sit down and spend some time thinking, formulating and writing here.
It’s been a hell of a few weeks. I’ve barely had any time to breathe. Assessments due for uni, clients in crisis at work and a very messy house because I have had neither the time nor the inclination to clean. I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed.
I think one of the few settling things in my life has been my twice weekly personal training sessions, and even though I have had to shuffle some of them around because of work commitments, I am realising that their regularity and content has actually been keeping me somewhat centred amidst all the turmoil. That is a new statement! Had no idea it was in my head until it came out of my fingers. And yet I realise the truth of it. My training has begun to help me keep myself grounded.
That feels good to say. It helps me to cement the reasons why I got back into training and to continue reaching for and achieving my goals.
When I started training with my new trainer we set some one-month goals and 4 weeks later spent an entire week achieving them. Not just achieving them, but completely smashing them. In those 4 weeks I went from barely being able to walk for 5 minutes on the treadmill to sustaining it for 20 minutes at a higher speed AND incline. I completed a zumba class (not well, but it got done), I leg pressed 100kg and I did assisted shoulder presses with 15kg (which I thought was 12.5kg). And although I could see the improvements I was making and on the surface I acknowledged them, I don’t think it really sank in.
Since I’ve been doing the 12WBT one of the biggest focuses amongst a lot of people has been fitness improvements and how strong people are becoming. This has been said in reference to me just as much as for others. Characteristically me, I have minimised my achievements the entire time. Something I have done time and again, with much of my life. My work achievements, my education achievements. My friendships. Any compliments. Pretty much everything, really.
So, I had a light bulb go off in my head after my training session this morning. It’s been building up for a few weeks I think. The last couple of sessions we have been focusing on setting new goals for the next month and I have set a few doozies. Wall sits, isometric holds, shoulder presses, zumba class, x-trainer intervals (10 min, lvl 4-7), treadmill (incline 7, 15 mins, 2.7kph), and boxing rounds without stopping. This morning we set some benchmarks for the wallsit (65sec) and isometric hold (125sec). I did 10 min on the treadmill at 2.5kph at 6% incline and 3 sets of 8 reps for military shoulder press (15kg). This one hurt like hell. And despite my brain trying to shut it down with excuses, I did it. Unassisted. It actually felt natural for me to just get in there and get the job done instead of debating it over and over in my head.
It felt good. I felt strong.
I shared my achievements with a friend and work colleague after discussing some pretty horrific and traumatic stuff that I experienced with a client last week. When I shared with her that I felt strong she pointed out my skills as a clinician and how much I have helped and supported people, even through some of the most traumatic stuff you can imagine. She then pointed out the work I have done to make changes in my personal life. Strength. Incredible amounts of it.
It hit me this morning that I have a lot of strength physically from my training. And after the discussion with my friend it hit me again that I have it in my work and personal life too.
I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. Really.
All these things are things that I never thought I would be able to do. My work, my Master’s degree, my physical health, my friendships.
And yet, here I am. Right here, right now, with all of it.
So much strength. Limitless possibilities.
~~ I AM STRONG!! ~~